I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Randomize
