new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
