Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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