A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
