Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
