I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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