considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
