Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i think my tv is drunk
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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