yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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