Will you blow on my dice?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
