At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
