So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
