he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I feel like death gave me a hand job
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
