My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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