i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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