I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
