if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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