I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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