We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
