were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
