Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
