is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
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