So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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