3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
