Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
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