Where did you get a picture of my penis
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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