I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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