This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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