The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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