I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
