if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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