So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
