talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
