He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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