I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
