I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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