I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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