Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Girls should come with a carfax report
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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