I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
