I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
