was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
