I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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