I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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