you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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