break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
