i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I could make wine with my vomit
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
