I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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