Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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