i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Randomize
