The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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