Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
