He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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