I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
