When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
