using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
