By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Randomize
