I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
