apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I showed him my bush... on skype.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
