he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
