My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
