hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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