I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
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