Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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